Chris Sunter

Another friend has passed away.

Chris was a good friend in highschool. We stayed in touch for a while as we drifted in different directions in college and university. Some great memories of playing and watching hockey, cutting class, enjoying a beer or two. We wrote to each other while he went to Australia and I worked in northern Ontario. I have good memories of Chris, I wish that we could have remained in touch all these years, but that’s on me.

Unknown to me at the time in the 70s and 80s, Chris was a gay man. He hid it well, as most gay men felt they had to, in the extremely hostile non-inclusive society we lived in back then. As a member of our slightly nerdy but still athletic social class, we played a lot of hockey, drank beer and had vulgar conversations until the wee hours. He seemed to fit in well, and enjoyed our company. He talked about girls with us, and we suspected nothing. After high school Chris and I kept in touch, meeting for the occasional after-school drink in our university/college days. I’m embarrassed to say that in one such discussion, I made some anti-gay remarks, which upset him (truth be told, I was not very open-minded in my youth). I sloughed it off as just 2 guys talking in a bar, and that seemed to settle him. 

Some time after that, my dad mentioned that Chris had some articles published in the Ottawa Citizen, in which he argued for improved gay rights - my dad said that he thought that Chris was gay. I laughed it off - no way, not my friend Chris; he’s just writing topical articles. My last conversation with Chris was on the phone - I tried relentlessly to get him to come to a mutual friend’s party, but he steadfastly refused to come, much to my disappointment. Years later, as I became less blind, and more tolerant of others different from me, I realized that my dad was right, and that I had made a terrible mistake in my assumptions and indeed, my attitudes in my friendship with Chris. Years later, I looked him up on social media (he was not very visible), and found that he taught in China, later was on the market for another teaching gig, and finally was working in Africa. I didn’t try to connect, as I feared that might still hold a grudge - not that I could blame him.

I’m sorry that he is gone, and I hope that he had a full life. I’m more sorry that I ruined our friendship, and lost something because of it.

The photo shows Chris making a save against my team in the senior hockey playoffs -- he was an exceptional goalie.

https://ottawacitizen.remembering.ca/obituary/christopher-sunter-1088583276